On Games, the Loch Ness Monster, and the 9/11 Anniversary

“Only some dumb fag would be caught playing Catherine.” – IGN user

It’s come to my attention that there are some basic stereotypes about avid gamers and avid homosexuals.  While both really like joysticks, everyone seems to think the two are exclusive clubs that one must be initiated into at a young age.  All gamers my age got into gaming with the Super Nintendo or the original Playstation more than likely.  And as the great Fred Phelps has 100% correctly asserted, all of my fellow queers were molested by Satan incarnate at an early age and set free upon the world to cause 9/11, Hurricane Katrina and the desegregation of the South. 

Someone needs to tell them that interracial gay hand holding causes earthquakes

If you watch such highbrow entertainment as Sex and the City and Will and Grace, then you know that all gay people are bitchy, fashion conscious and FUN (you know how I’m saying that) individuals.  If you have ever met someone who is obsessed with World of Warcraft, then congratulations – you have just landed a sight more rare than the Loch Ness Monster because WoW addicts leave their home only to buy a year’s worth of Doritos and frozen school pizza from Costco.

 "Gotta go bitches!  The line for Skyrim is already starting!"

What it boils down to is that all hardcore gamers are straight men who are slobs and have no life.  It is also believed that all gay people can tell you how to wear any type of headpiece while not spilling their Manhattan while doing air quotes. 

What people don’t realize is this:  gay gamers can be just as gross and disgusting as their straight male counterparts.  And this, dear readers, is why I’m here.  I have started this blog to shed some light on just how disgusting the life of a Gaymer really can be.  This isn’t some life only to be led by a 400 pound guy with 1 friend other than his equally obese dog.  I have a Lanvin bow–tie and I live off cold pizza and my PS3.   I spend an equal amount of time on IGN as I do on The Huffington Post.  I play with BOTH kinds of joysticks.  And at the heart of it all, I am just as socially awkward and socially repellent as any other single, straight gamer.

This is my life as a Gaymer.