B: UGH
Serena don't go treating Dorota like the damn help
where do u get off
WHO IS THIS NASTY BITCH AND WHAT HAS SHE DONE WITH SERENA VAN DER WOODSEN
"maybe we can jog his weed addled mind into remembering something" AHAHAHAHA WAIT ARE THE PRODUCERS READING MY FAN FIC?
"unfortunately the entire clue trail hangs by the flimsiest of threads: nates long term memory" I CAN'T WHY ARE U MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
Serena is DEPRESSED. she has been dressing like a homeless person and her hair isn't tousled it's just straight up unkempt..
"what do we know about Portual?" "they...speak Portuguese?" DID THEY SMOKE A JOINT OFF CAMERA?
THINGS JUST GOT REAL EYES WIDE SHUT
don't mind me as I pretend you're actually listening to me and not tweezing your brows or waxing your shoulders or whatever trifle that is causing you to neglect me
WHAT IN GODS NAME
WHAT IS THIS SORCERY?
NECROMANCY
IS GOSSIP GIRL ACTUALLY THE SECOND COMING OF JESUS? IS GOD ONE OF US?
FIRST SHE TURNS WATER INTO WINE BY LIFTING THE STATION OF THE HUMPHREYS, SHE FEEDS THE ENTIRE ISLAND OF MANHATTAN FROM HER COMPUTER AND NOW SHE HAS BREATHED LIFE INTO THE DEAD
it would make sense if gossip girl were actually a god...no mortal could possibly come up with that many flawless bon mots without being a Gilmore girl
FUCK IS GOSSIP GIRL ACTUALLY FUCKING RORY GILMORE TROLLING PEOPLE FROM STARS HOLLOW?!!
GOD NOW MY HEAD HURTS
IT WOULD MAKE SENSE, EMILY GILMORE WOULD KNOW CICI RHODES AND HER ILK, I'M SURE LORELEI KNOWS LILY
...WHEN SERENA WENT TO BOARDING SCHOOL WAS IT ACTUALLY CHILTON?
AHHHHHHHHH
DOES THIS MEAN LANE KNOWS NELLY YUKI? DO YOU THINK THEY KNOW EACH OTHER FROM ONE OF THOSE WEIRD NONDENOMINATIONAL ASIAN CHRISTIAN BIBLE CAMPS?
nevermind, lane went to public school she's common
you've got to admit i'm on to something...
but it doesn't explain the devils bargain that was reached to bring Bart back from the dead
a virgin must have been sacrificed...ERIC
no, no, it's clear Damien dalgaard fucked him and threw him out like the first pancake
I need you to wake up and talk me down from these conspiracy theories
I feel bad for chuck...neither one of your fathers or mothers wants to lay claim to having birthed you
maybe chuck IS the devils bargain...maybe he is like Rosemary's baby
this is all DARKSIDED stuff!
almost as sinful as Blair looked in that herve leger...sorry i had to bitch looked SNATCHED from the damn cookie jar
I have quite literally tuckered myself out
lol you're prob gunna feel cool when u see 30 some odd texts until you see it's me waxing nonsensical about gossip girl
whatever, get over yourself, xena
come off your armored high horse, ok? just because you have a reason to sleep before 5 and wake up for something doesn't make you a high functioning person like Georgina
Georgina sets more fires by brunch than the London rioters did in a week, ok?
too soon? lol lyeah right it's been like a year
...was your shelly duvall lookin ass friend there when that happened?
Blair is trying to find her old self, maybe Serena should try that instead of being a frigid bitch. she's probably just cranky because the last dick she sucked was in fucking november and had been inside ivy dickens
no ones [sic] knows what a lack of dick and bad case of dry mouth can do to one's emotional state like i do, ya feel me? she's just lonely and blair has her go-to rebound dick locked up like the heirloom jewelry
and you can tell she is not amused by Lola's draping herself all over Nate like she owns the place
YOU KNOW SHE IS ITCHING TO BE LIKE "YOU WANNA KNOW WHAT EVERYONE SAYS ABOUT YOU? THEY SAY YOU'RE A PUBLIC SCHOOLED DRAMA GEEK WHO'S A LESS HOT VERSION OF ME! SO YOU CAN TAKE YOUR FAKE APOLOGIES AND SHOVE UP YOUR UNBLEACHED ASSHOLE"
but instead of getting hit by a bus, everyone in the rooms phone would go off with a GG blast about how she was spotted doing something ill bred like walking too close to webster hall
OK BYE
do u think rufus sits at the loft listening to teardrops on my guitar all day?
OK BYE
I find the fact that dorota isn't a live-in ABSURD
I'm gunna throw my phone across the room
ME: I wish you would
B: ....................EXCUSE ME?
ME: Your 383939 messages woke me up (cry face)
But back to sleep. will discuss later
B: AHAHAHAHA OH SORRY HAHAHAHAHAH BYEEEE
ME: If if have any texts left...
B: OMG I FORGOT OMG BYE IM RUNNING AWAY BYE
