Gamestop is a Hot Guy With a Small Dick

We've all experienced it.  You meet this really hot guy (or maybe just average but he's really funny you assure your friends), you get along famously and everything is going great.  You decide it's time to fuck.  And by decide, I mean you got really drunk at Pony and you don't remember anything after your fourth Colt 45.  Anything, that is, except the epic letdown of the century.

I'm not saying that size matters but being funny doesn't make up for the fact that I can't feel anything going on down there.  Okay fine, fuck it, size matters.

Now...how does this tie in to gamestop?

Over a month ago, I pre-ordered Dark Souls so I could get the free upgrade to Collector's Edition.  I'm not a collector by any means but I was like "Hey, it's free."  It also came with a free downloadable strategy guide and comes in a nice metal case so I was down.  Fast forward to the launch week.  It came out on Tuesday but since I'm somewhat responsible, I paid my rent before paying the rest of the cost of the game.  Today is payday so I go straight to Gamestop after work.

This courtship of watching kick-ass trailers, watching the way-too-cool-to-be-my-friends guys at IGN play it for 24 hours and reading the glowing reviews was really getting me all hot and bothered about this game.  Not to mention that I loved Demon's Souls.  Things were going really well between the two of us and I was really looking forward to consummating this relationship.  Just like a third of the guys at Pony before going home with someone, I had a videogame halfie just driving to the store to pick it up.  I was pissed that I couldn't get it on the day it came out but, hey, Gamestop holds pre-orders for 7 days.  I'm okay with a guy/videogame making me wait if it's worth it.

The awesome trailer that also makes me want to die when it mentions the free upgrade

As soon as I give my telephone number for the pre-order, the cashier makes a sad face at me.  My metaphorical boner deflates immediately and all I wanna do is go to the bar and get my fifth Colt 45.  She tells me that the shipping center shorted them 4 copies and since I was one of the four that didn't show up on the first day, I got gipped and got stuck with the standard edition.  Needless to say I did their survey and left them some food for thought.

There are tons of guys that are like this.  Walking around in their not-cliche-at-all American Apparel tank tops and skinny jeans who promise they liked Bauhaus before it was cool to be goth and how living in Capitol Hill is really great because they grew up in Idaho.  They may look like a Collector's Edition type of guy but it only takes one look to realize that, no, they're as standard as they come.  Forget what you have been promised because if you get a guy from a generic chain store (Capitol Hill), then you can forget it.